The Challenge to BE

I'm going to be completely honest with y'all, I'm terribly disappointed in modern society. When did men forget to be gentlemen? When did women forget to be ladies? But most importantly, when did we decide it was okay for us to view others as things to be used rather than people to be loved?

I'm at the age where relationships are taking a turn for the serious and men and women alike heavily concern themselves with "finding the one". First, let's debunk this idea that there is a 'one and only' and you have to find them in order to find happiness. In 1977, President Spencer W. Kimball of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said, ""soul mates" are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." While there may not be a 'soul mate' or 'the one' before marriage, after marriage you spouse certainly becomes those things.

Second, I feel like we are more concerned with trying to find the right person for us, we forget that we need to be the right person for that someone as well. Too often I feel we create these lists of traits and qualities we want in our ideal mate and then go about on our merry way doing nothing to obtain these ourselves. Water seeks it's own level and if you want someone who is a '10' be a '10' yourself. Relationships and marriage is about being equally yoked, not finding someone who is going to pull the weight for the two of you while you sit idly by.

Finally, society tries to tell us that we are nobody until somebody loves us or that our lives don't truly start until we are married. This is entirely false. You matter now! Who you decide to be or not be affects so much more than just you. Growing up, my grandma would always tell me that decisions determine destiny. Who you decide you want to become today has the power to influence generations of people. To further explain this idea, let me share a story my intro. to family processes teacher shared with me a few months ago.

"One night, my wife was making roast and I saw her cut both the ends off and then throw them out. Curious, I asked her, "why do you cut the ends off of the roast?" She told me that her mother had taught her how to cook and that this is what she always did. My curiosity was unsatisfied and I proceeded to call my mother-in-law. I inquired of her as to why she cut the ends off of a roast. She went on to tell me the same thing my wife had told me - her mother had taught her how to cook and that was what she always did. Disgruntled and determined to get to the bottom of this, I called my wife's grandmother and proceeded to ask her the same question. She laughed at my question and then after a few minutes explained to me that her pan was always too small to fit the entire roast so she had to cut it down to fit."

This story, while silly, shows you that the things you say and do impact your children. So, as you can see, being the best version of you is of the upmost importance.

It's no secret that I've been single for the past year and this post may be viewed by some to have been written by someone who is unhappy in her current circumstances or marriage-hungry. There is nothing further from the truth. I am incredibly happy and while I look forward to the day I have someone who will add to that happiness, it's not why I wrote this. I decided to publish is post because I feel that we need to be more aware that we, either single, in a relationship, or even married, have the power to become something fantastic - a better us. Ernest Hemingway once said, "there is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." So, this is my plea to you, rise up to your potential and become what you were designed to be as a child of God. Focus on becoming the right person rather than trying to find the right person.


"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not defined by another person."
-Oscar Wilde